If You Ask Me… Dogs, Deliveries and Delays

Online ordering certainly offers some benefits for the consumer – but an efficient, stress-free experience is not guaranteed, writes Flo Whitaker

Parcel tracking apps are utterly addictive and should be banned. I’ve just wasted a week, watching in a semi-hypnotised state as the parcel containing the dog’s birthday present, (a paddling pool, since you’re wondering) bounced between various mail sorting centres. Its journey commenced at ‘The Birmingham Hub’. “On its way!” I excitedly 

told the dog. 

A thrilling update followed; ‘Gatwick’. “Almost here!” But then, alas, we received news from ‘St Albans’, shortly followed by ‘Swindon’. “Ehh?” At this point, things went seriously awry; a deafening silence with no further updates, so I sent a ‘live chat’ query to the carrier: 

“Ahh, if it’s disappeared off the system, it’s probably gone to Belfast.” 

“Why?” 

“Dunno – it happens. Don’t worry – it’ll be sent back again. Anyway, you didn’t pay for enhanced delivery and it’s only been in transit for a week, so …”

“I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to appreciate the seriousness of the situation. This is the dog’s birthday present. It may ‘only’ represent a week to you, but that’s a month in Labrador time.” 

“Good point. I’ll see what I can do.” [smiley emoji] 

The following day, a dirty, crumpled box arrived. It had clearly travelled far, but the contents were undamaged – phew! In this increasingly anonymous online age, I’d like to think that an encounter with another human in a chat room far away helped expedite the delivery, but I’m doubtless wrong. It was probably just coincidence. Or, maybe I was talking to a robot all along? Ah, well – at least the dog’s happy.