If You Ask Me: Brand Aversion

The USA’s economy may be about to nosedive, but they’re still at the top of the insanity index, writes Flo Whitaker

I recently watched a video of Russell Brand officiating at a full-immersion ‘baptism’ ceremony. You’d think the unusual venue, (a Florida zoo’s penguin pool) would ensure maximum news coverage, but Americais notoriously hard to impress and the media circus merely yawned and moved on, saying, “If you reckon that’s nuts – you should see what’s happening at the White House”. 

Brand appears to be a spectacularly irritating person. His precocious dictionary- swallowing talent for delivering grandiose wordage by theyard made him a darling of the chat show circuit. Serried ranks of vapid hangers-on and celebrity luvvies clung to his Artful Dodger coattails and applauded every genius pronouncement, which only encouraged his nonsense. 

However, we should acknowledge his one great talent. Russell Brand; half show-off gobby teenager, half self-invented cartoon character, is really, really good at being Russell Brand. This proved to be a savvy career move – until it wasn’t. After much re-invention, he now claims to be following Jesus – as if Jesus doesn’t have enough on his plate? 

Considering Brand is awaiting trial for horrendous sexual crimes, you could make a robust case to suggest he really shouldn’t be baptising anyone, but, hey; you can always wash away your sins in America – a place where the greatest crime of all is to be poor. 

Brand and his accusers will have their days in court and it is unhelpful to speculate the outcome. The media’s gaze invariably focuses onthe protagonists, but hapless bystanders are equally deserving of our attention. 

Pity those bewildered, captive penguins; now additionally condemned to swim in toxic, celebrity-polluted waters - a disturbing memory snapshot we could all do without. Pass the mind bleach.