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If You Ask Me: Rock 'n' Roll is Dead

Tuesday, 26 November 2024 08:00

By Flo Whitaker

As performers shun their previously crazy lifestyles in favour of healthy diets and wholesome activities, Flo Whitaker raises a glass and tolls the mourning bell for Rock ‘n’ Roll

Possibly the most shocking example of the death of rock and roll is Alice Cooper, who has replaced substance addiction with golf addiction. This is clearly a sensible, efficacious move for Alice, but I fondly recall his stage shows back in the 70s during his anarchic ‘guillotine-scene-goes-wrong’ period. It’s truly terrifying to imagine him now swanning about in tartan trousers and cashmere jumpers.

Fuelled with steaming mugs of cocoa, Rod Stewart and Jools Holland spend relaxing quiet nights in with their model railways, whilst James Hetfield, the moody, multi-tattooed Metallica frontman, is a keen bee-keeper and worries about his bees when he’s away touring. Awww…

Bill Wyman spent thirty years with the Rolling Stones, (mostly, it must be noted, in a non-speaking, non-moving role.) Nevertheless, he and Charlie Watts laid down some of the most iconic beats in popular music and Bill is widely credited for inventing the fretless bass guitar. So, what did Bill do next? He went metal detecting. Yep, the Bill Wyman Signature Metal Detector is a real thing, described as 'lightweight – yet with significant performance levels' and was heartily recommended by that tour bus freeloading duo, Richard and Judy. Blimey.

Nowadays, Roger Daltrey from the original noisy-boy band, The Who, enjoys nothing more than a peaceful fishing session. Unsurprisingly, Roger, along with co-conspirator, Pete Townshend, suffer from chronic deafness. Perhaps they should rename themselves The What? Having reached his 80th birthday, the irony of screaming “Hope I die before I get old”, surely isn’t lost on Roger.

Alas, not even rock gods live forever – although there’s always an exception to the rule. As nations continue to behave like squabbling toddlers, waging wars and trashing our planet, I’ll leave you with a sobering thought; What kind of world are we leaving for our children, grandchildren – and Keith Richards?

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