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It's a Dog's Life: A Partly Political Broadcast

Thursday, 4 July 2024 10:53

By Teddy (via Helen Stockton)

As the nation heads to the polls for the General Election, Teddy ponders the policies he would like to see introduced, as Helen Stockton, his human translator explains...

Well, this month contains the additional delight of a General Election. Now, I’m not a political animal which is just as well as I’m not allowed
to vote. I do, however, sometimes accompany ‘Them Indoors’ to the Polling Station, as it is on our normal dog walking route, and I am generally allowed into the voting booth. This is okay because I have short legs and can’t see who they have voted for, although I guess I might be able to manage it if I stood on my back paws. I wonder if bigger dogs are banned on the grounds that they could potentially breach voter confidentially.

If I was an Irish Wolfhound, for example, I’d be able to look over their shoulders. ’Them Indoors’ have to keep a close eye on the apprentice as she has a penchant for shredding small pieces of paper and she could easily swing the result of a General Election without even trying! Anyway, my contribution is usually to pose next to the Polling Station sign for a photo, so that ‘Her Indoors’ can post it on X/ Twitter under the hashtag #dogsatpollingstations. You have to get your pleasures where you can.

I belong to a group of tweeting Border Terriers called the BTPosse, and in order to liven up the election proceedings, we’ve been forming our own cabinet, so we are ready if His Majesty rightly despairs of the politicians and really lets the country go to the dogs!

It has already been agreed that I will be Minister of the Beds. This is an important role, ensuring the number and quality of the dog beds for canines across the country, and I shall take my responsibilities very seriously. Myself and the apprentice already have beds next to the bi-fold doors in the kitchen, for sun-puddling, in the lounge for... well... lounging, and, rather obviously, in the bedroom.

I reckon we could do with one each in ‘Her Indoors’ office as we regularly have to supervise her activities there. When I am Minister, it will be mandatory! So far, we also have Chair of the Comfy Chairs, Minister for Snoozes, Minister for Noms with an Undersecretary for Biscuits, Minister for Home Affairs and Barking at the Neighbours, and an Ambassador to the Humans, always a tricky negotiating role.

We shall be busy working on our dogifesto, so that come July 5, we can hit the ground running, or in my case, sauntering at a leisurely pace, reading the peemails! But whatever happens, I reckon we’ll make a better job of things than the current collection of politicians, of all persuasions, after all, we’ve got a head start on them. We are already, legitimately, barking!

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